I know you have all been asking what the hell is going on and it’s finally time to tell you.
If you were reading TRM at all in September, you could sense a weird change and basically no consistency. It’s because at that time, my partner and I didn’t know what we wanted. The Retired Models skyrocketed pretty quickly and we hadn’t even really found our voice yet. It was really confusing for the both of us and we were being pulled in two separate directions. We also realized that we wanted different things. She had dreams for TRM to be more Vogue and I wanted it to be more Cosmopolitan. During Fashion Week, we had a meeting where we realized it just wasn’t really working out. I didn’t feel like we were on the same page and I had a problem with some of the things that were being written. Or I should say, the way they were written.
Some of you may think that I am selfish or, for lack of a better word, a bitch. You have to understand that I started this in March 2015 while sitting in my little studio apartment. I bared my soul to the world and went through an emotional whirlwind. I told secrets that I had hidden deep inside myself. It was terrifying and liberating at the same time. From the very beginning, I started this blog with the idea of not holding anything back. I was going to tell the truth no matter what…
This is a little off topic but it reminds me of something my friend, Gene, said to me recently. We had been talking all day and he finally said, “Holy shit. You are a mindfuck.”
When I asked him why, he told me he was blown away by how honest I am.
“I mean, Megan, you’re on a whole different level. I admire how honest and free you are.”
You wanna know what I said?
“Life is already filled with so much bullshit. Why should I contribute to it?”
And that’s that. I will never paint my life to be something it’s not. I’ve stabbed at my keyboard with a twisted, angry face and clicked “publish”. I typed a post while I was mourning the death of my friend, stopping every so often to wipe a tear from my cheek. I’ve written while feeling extremely excited about good news, ignoring the typos until the very end because I just couldn’t wait to share it with you guys. I told you guys about the abortion I induced while I was on drugs for crying out loud.
I will always be straight up with you guys. I promise. This is my baby and what I choose to do with it is up to me. If I don’t like the way something is happening, I’m going to change it.
I wish her the best of luck on her next venture.
Stay tuned for the new TRM schedule!