As a woman you often are looked at as an object of sex. As a model, you feel like you your chances of being looked at as an object of sex are heightened. There’s this feeling when you are behind a mans lens and you know he wants to fuck you. I wouldn’t say this is always the case, but when it is you feel the tension. They are in a place of power, and you are supposed to perform. When you’re younger it it is scary and uncomfortable. When you learn your way behind a lens you play back cause you know it’s what eggs them on. Playing back also makes the tension less awkward for you to get good pictures. It also opens the possibility of them acting upon you more available.
As a female we often have to learn to say no. When applying it to your job it becomes even more complicated. Based on all this information I made sure never to let a photographer touch me or sneak his way into me. I said to myself the only way I would every be with one was if it was because we were dating first and nothing was based off of our occupation.
That is exactly how my first time with a photographer went. We enjoyed each other through talking and other outlets. Our jobs never came in to play. It was organic right? I thought it was, but before you know it he wanted to take pictures of me. I didn’t like the idea because I just liked him for him. We took a trip to see a couple of cities, just the two of us. I warmed up to the idea of being photographed by him because I thought it would capture the beauty of our adventure. Also, I wanted to know what it was like to be captured by someone who “really” cared.
Needless to say, I felt so comfortable in front of him and his camera. It felt very deep when I knew he was behind the lens. Keep in mind I was still getting to know him. I felt like I was showing him a piece of me in every movement I made. He would constantly have to stop shooting to touch me or pounce on me and take me right there. It was too easy.
Later I found out it he was just a photographer who fantasied about being with the models he would shoot. He was so into the idea of me tying into his work. He kept up this quiet fantasy until a week before he published the photos he took of me on our secret adventure. One day we were getting closer, then the next he had met someone. Not just anyone though, it was another model. I dropped any thought of him right there and then. That was what I was trying to be so careful of. I am not saying he is a bad person, he just used me in a different approach then I was expecting.
I have a couple of other sketchy moments with photographers as a model, but I thought I would share the one that hit me the deepest. The first time I did coke was with a photographer and one tried to finger me while we were doing a nude shoot on the beach, Casual right?