When I was asked to write about being married for a long time but still keeping your sex life alive I could not wait to sit down and type this for people to read.
Do you have sex because you are married… or are you married because you have great sex.
There are two types of couples Bob and I talk about. Those who are married and therefore have sex, when it’s convenient, on a schedule and usually done with one person only half way committed to it. “hurry up and get off” couples we call them.
Then there are those who have amazing sex life so they get married. That is Bob and I. We have been married for 6 years now. We had chemistry from the first time we met. We had open conversations about sex and found that we turned each other on without even foreplay. A phone call could spark needs. A text could replace hours of foreplay. Not because it was sexting but because a simple text saying “I need you” was the same as being kissed from head to toe. We were open about our needs and desires and therefore no one is ever left wondering what the other person wants or needs sexually. It was this openness that allows us to fit so well when it comes to sex.
So what is the ultimate key to it all…..communication. Open and honest conversation about needs. For the first few years we had sex all the time, okay we still do, but I was going somewhere else with this, be patient. What I mean is we would not just think about it and keep it to ourselves. If it came to our brain, we shared it. Bob would lean over and say, I really want you right now. Even if it was during a dinner at my moms. Now, he could not have me at that moment, but he told me and then all I could think about for hours was him and I making love. When we’d get home, if we made it that far, we would be at each other the second we walked in the door. We didn’t restrict our sexual explosions to the bedroom.Keeping it spontaneous and in the moment, kept feeding us so we would have sex when and where we could. Of course this was easier before kids.
I too would do the same things to him. He hears from guys at work say that their wives don’t like sex or don’t want it. I think all woman want it, we just aren’t supposed to want it like “men” want it. WRONG, we have wants and desires too. Maybe it’s the way we were raised that we are not supposed to express them like men. Well, I think I shocked Bob in the beginning of our relationship when I was open about my desires and needs sexually. And let me tell you, he has never turned down any request I have made.
Together our open communication, desire to satisfy each other and security in knowing we will always be together have allowed us to grow our sex life and keep it very much alive. So what has worked for us, What would I suggest to others to keep their sex lives strong after years together….
- We started about with just us and our bodies. Any place we could and time we could. Sometimes half dressed sometimes naked. Always different and fun.
- We then added toys and restrains that sparked role playing. Toys are not competition guys… don’t look at them that way. With trust, you can take it to the next level this way.
- We didn’t limit our sex to just at night or in the morning. When you want it, do it! Even if its 3 o’clock on a Sunday afternoon, on the kitchen table. Give in to desires, don’t hold them back.
- We sometimes make love and other times is pure animal instinct and we fuck. We watch porn together. We send each other porn links when we are apart and wanting each other. So we know we are thinking about each other and wanting to be with each other.
- Sometime he takes me when he needs me and its just for him to get off. I know this, I love this, I love that I can be what he needs to release the stresses of the day. Of course he makes it up to me later. I never feel used, only loved more because I know he appreciates my letting him release when he needs to.
- It’s a little give and a little take from each of us and the open communication we have keeps either of us from feeling under-appreciated or undesired.
- Openly accept each other desires, without question or judgment. I asked for Bob to share me with another man, of course this is not for everyone, but when we added a third person into our bed it made our sex life even more amazing. Bob loves to share me. He loves to watch me and I love that he is willing to feed my desires sexually this way. I am insatiable. I want attention sexually and having two men at the same time does for me physically and psychologically things that brings me closer to Bob.
- Don’t stop kissing. Kiss like you are dating. You don’t have to do it in public. But embrace each other, breath in each other and kiss like you are in love, not like you are married.
- Take time to talk. Talk about your time together making love. Talk about what felt good, what you want more of. Don’t jump up and run to the shower.
I know we are the exception to the rule. When it comes to having a happy marriage and amazing sex life. We have done our best to not let the bills, kids and everyday stresses of married life get in our sights and blind us from the real part of marriage.
We have committed our lives to each other because we are so amazing together. Sex is a HUGE part of our marriage. It creates a need for each other, grows love for each other, makes us feel like we want to be no place else.
I wish everyone could have a long marriage and an amazing sex life. I believe if you truly are in love and open in your communication about wants and desires sexually, you can experience what we have. Thanks for letting me write this. I hope that someone who reads this gets a little something out of it.