Now, before you read this, you need to understand something: This is when I was addicted to drugs so my mind is clearly fucked up. Looking back on this now, I wanted to cry. I can’t believe my mind was so twisted and messed up. I know I’m going to get a lot of criticism for this but from the moment I started this blog, I promised to tell you the truth.
So here it is, straight from my leather-bound diary.
January 2014 (I didn’t mark a date in it so it was probably late January)
My family found out that the reason I have a periotonsilar abcess is because I did coke while having strep.
My dad started yelling so I hung up and decided to call my much more reasonable stepmom. She began bawling over the phone and asking me why I would touch such a thing after seeing my brother’s addiction.
Because I fucking love it. What would I do without my beloved cocaine? Molly killed the baby growing inside of me. Drugs saved my life.Then again, drugs have caused this thing in the back of my throat that’s leaking into my lungs.
Can you imagine me pregnant right now? I can’t be a mom. He definitely doesn’t want to be a father. I don’t know why anyone would want to be with me in the state I’m in right now. Molly actually saved that child.
Besides, why would I want to bring a child into this messed up world we live in?
Yes, I’ve been pregnant before.
Yes, I used molly and induced a miscarriage.
I feel horrible reading that again because it’s disgusting. I can’t believe I was once in that state of mind. I’m sorry if reading this may have disturbed or offended you.
Personally, I’m disturbed thinking that this excerpt came from myself.