January 2014 Diary Entry: “”Drugs Save Me From Myself” by Megan Kennedy

Now, before you read this, you need to understand something: This is when I was addicted to drugs so my mind is clearly fucked up. Looking back on this now, I wanted to cry. I can’t believe my mind was so twisted and messed up. I know I’m going to get a lot of criticism for this but from the moment I started this blog, I promised to tell you the truth.

So here it is, straight from my leather-bound diary.

January 2014 (I didn’t mark a date in it so it was probably late January)

My family found out that the reason I have a periotonsilar abcess is because I did coke while having strep.

My dad started yelling so I hung up and decided to call my much more reasonable stepmom. She began bawling over the phone and asking me why I would touch such a thing after seeing my brother’s addiction.

WHY?

Because I fucking love it. What would I do without my beloved cocaine? Molly killed the baby growing inside of me. Drugs saved my life.Then again, drugs have caused this thing in the back of my throat that’s leaking into my lungs.

Can you imagine me pregnant right now? I can’t be a mom. He definitely doesn’t want to be a father. I don’t know why anyone would want to be with me in the state I’m in right now. Molly actually saved that child.

Besides, why would I want to bring a child into this messed up world we live in?

Yes, I’ve been pregnant before.

Yes, I used molly and induced a miscarriage.

I feel horrible reading that again because it’s disgusting. I can’t believe I was once in that state of mind. I’m sorry if reading this may have disturbed or offended you.

Personally, I’m disturbed thinking that this excerpt came from myself.


8 thoughts on “January 2014 Diary Entry: “”Drugs Save Me From Myself” by Megan Kennedy

  1. hi meg! i just found out about your blog from some of my BBG friends on instagram and i must say i LOVE it. you girls are so raw and so relatable. this is the FIRST blog i have ever read and im hooked when honestly i was not expecting to be as i dont like to read but wow youve got me reading! thank you for sharing this. your courage is so admirable. i honestly accept what you did & i dont see anything wrong with it. you were not ready and as you said there is no need to bring a child into the world when it cant have what it needs & deserves. I know the way you went about it some people may have given you shit but you did what was right for you at the moment. i cant wait to learn more about you ladies! xo kelly

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  2. hello meg! my name is kelly and i just came across your blog today as some BBG girls have been spreading the word! i must admit at first i thought i wasnt going to read anything as ive never read a blog, i dont like to read and i was even hesitant to click the link but WOW im SO glad i did! you ladies are so raw and beautiful. thank you for sharing this. your courage is so admirable. honestly i accept your descision. you werent ready and like you said there is no reason to bring a child into this world when it cant be cares for. some people may give you shit because of the way you did it but hey thats how it was then and its OK. thank you so much. i cant wait to read more about you ladies! im hooked! xo kelly

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  3. I love you’re honesty and the fact you can reflect on how you feel now as opposed to when you actually wrote that. You are one strong human being with so much life and inspiration, the world needs more people like you!

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