A Definitive Ranking of the Flavor of Love Girls: Season 1

As you all know, I’m obsessed with Flavor of Love. Like, I may or may not have all three seasons and used to force Basil to watch it with me. Whatever. I know this is going to bring back some VH1 nostalgia for you guys but I created a Buzzfeed-type list of Flav’s girls from Season 1.

20. (Red) Oyster

Not only was this bitch the biggest snitch in the house, she was fucking married when she went on the show. She was constantly running to Flav about the girls talking about their exes while her Boo Thang was chillin’ at home. Bitch.

19. Picasso

Picasso was weird. You could tell by the way she was talking to Sweetie that she’s a condescending bitch.

18. Smokey

Listening to her talk was one of the worst things in the world. Also, she wore a reaaaalllly short dress and no underwear and it made me nauseous.

17. Shellz

Poor thing. I actually liked her for her awkwardness.

16. Bubblez

I thought she had cool hair in 2006.

15. Hottie

The reason Hottie is even ranking so high is because it was fun to watch her be a sociopath and say the most outlandish things. This bitch was wack as fuck.

I mean, who puts a fucking chicken in the microwave?

14. Apples

Apples doesn’t even have a Google-able photo! This is the closest one that I could find. She was completely irrelevant but the reason she’s so high is because she said:

“I wasn’t sure how…. *uses finger quotes* ghetto *uses finger quotes* the other girls would be…”

13. Dimplez

Dimplez wore rollerskates on her jacuzzi date with Flav. Yeah, she was a bit boring but it was fun listening to her.

“When I told my parents I was going on the show they just kept saying, ‘Oh no… OH NOO…’ but I told them he’s a different man. His drug days are behind him and he may or may not be supporting his kids, I don’t know.”

12. Cherry

We didn’t get to see much of her in the season because she was eliminated after one night. It was probably for the best because if you watch her on the Reunion, she’s trying to fight everyone. EVEN GOLDIE!

11. Miss Latin

I liked Miss Latin. I thought she was probably the most educated out of all of them with her references to classical music and art. But girl, you straight up called your ex-boyfriend, Cash, from the house. That’s a big no-no.

10. Peaches

Peaches was so cute. She massaged an old woman’s feet to win a date with Flav and still didn’t win! What I love about her is on the Reunion episode, she basically said, “Honestly, none of us actually came on the show for you, Flav.”

9. Hoopz

Hoopz was cool but supremely boring. I’m surprised she even made it as far as she did. My favorite part with her is when she was fighting with Brigitte Nielson and ripped her a new one. Also, she went on to date Shaq.

8. Georgia (TIE)

Her friendship with Rain put them at a tie because I just love them so much. Georgia was a “good ol’ Georgia Peach” according to her.

On the Reunion episode, Georgia stated, “I feel like this was all fake because you said you wanted a real girl but eliminated all of the real girls first.”

7. Rain (TIE)

Dude, Rain was the fucking homie. Not only was she Flav’s #1 fan in real life, she was also there for Goldie when Goldie got drunk and threw up on the first night.

Also, this face tho:

Georgia is indeed sitting next to her.

6. Smiley

Poor Smiley. By far, one of the prettiest girls on the show and definitely one of the most misunderstood. So what if she used to be a stripper? She was a damn good dancer and the money went to her school funds.

5. Sweetie

Miss Latin, Sweetie, and Hoopz

Sweetie really was a sweetie. I felt so bad for her when they forced her to make a chicken even though she’s deathly afraid of them. Also, her speech when she was eliminated:

Sweetie: “I’m not feeling you, Flav? I cooked a chicken for you even though I was crying throughout the whole thing. People are direct reflections of themselves so maybe you’re not feeling yourself”

Flav: “It’s not that I’m not feeling myself, I’m just not feeling you”

Sweetie: “Flav you’re retarded, you’re retarded. I’ll pray for you and you’ll be aight”

*MIC DROP*

4. Pumkin

She was definitely the most sexual one. She wouldn’t stop trying to have sex with Flav, even if it meant she would have to have a threesome with Hoopz. She was a teacher and hypnotist’s assistant which confuses me and I think to producers just told her to say some weird shit.

3. New York 

 photo tumblr_m9kqsn5xFI1ql5yr7o1_500.gif

She truly was the HBIC. Everyone wants to have a little bit of New York in them. I feel like I don’t even have to give very much of an explanation. Just watch this and your dreams will come true.

“You think you look like Beyonce? BEYONCE?! *Turns to camera* Oh, Bey, I’m so sorry. I am so so sorry that an ugly ass bitch like her would say that. *Turns back to Hottie* You look like Luther Vandross. Not Beyonce.”

2. Goldie

Oh, Goldie was just the greatest. She was the friendliest one that always wanted to make everyone laugh. She went on to become a comedian which makes a lot of sense.

IT’S FLAVA AND GOLDIE FLAVA AND GOLDIE

1. Serious

She was the egotistical one but she worked it because she was a MODEL! She received so much criticism for trying to promote her modeling career on the show. Finally, she responded to her haters on the Reunion episode:

“If I needed jobs I could’ve gone on America’s Next Top Model. I can get a job but what I can’t get is a date.”


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