I wish I could talk to Joan Rivers.
Today, I received a message that said: “how are you supposed to become famous for your writing if you can’t take criticism?”
And they were totally right.
As much as I am confident and I don’t care, revealing these emotions is like standing naked in front of thousands of people. Telling you guys everything that I’m feeling is a whole other level of comfort that I’m not used to. I’m vulnerable as hell.
You have to remember it was only a year ago that my emotional wall came down. I went crazy after that. I finally felt everything. My feelings terrify me. They feel so incredibly foreign. My heart feels like it’s in my throat right now.
Sure, I can take stupid jabs here and there. But like any other human, I do hurt sometimes. Only when something is said that tugs at my heart.
People have fear. That’s why I get anonymous negative messages. People are scared to say what they truly feel. I sometimes go back to erase things while I’m editing because I don’t want to people to see that deep into my soul. But I don’t backspace anything. I let it out. It’s liberating and scary as hell.
I wonder what the world would be like if we didn’t hold anything back.
Also, referencing my “details details” post, the stupid jabs I am referring to in this post are the ones that people try to say my story is false because of one little minuscule detail like “you didn’t buy that shirt from that collection at h&m, it wasn’t out yet”. My lord, chiiiilll girl. That’s not what the story is about. Okay, goodnight.