I am absolutely obsessed with writing lists. In my super focused, adderall-induced state of mind, I fill my iPhone Notes up with lists like:
1. Names of people who have fucked me over.
2. Names of people that I have had sex with. It’s not that I can’t remember or that my list is high, it’s just something I like to look at from time to time. The more I told my friends about it, a bunch of them admitted to having similar lists. I don’t recommend having this if your phone doesn’t have a passcode on it. An ex of mine found it and went crazy on me.
3. Important dates to remember. I check my Notes app more than I check my Calendar app.
4. My shopping wish-lists. Because the things I like are expensive, this list is usually short and in correspondence with the latest trends. I dipped into my modeling savings (oops) and finally purchased a black Céline Luggage Tote so I now have my eye on a Prada Saffiano Gardner’s tote bag in emerald.
5. Things I love.
And finally, the growing list I am going to share with my readers,
6. People, Places, and Things that I HATE.
Which is as follows:
– Valentino studded sandals.
– Old men who leer and stare at you like they have never seen a woman before.
– Keira Knightly’s teeth.
– Lizards/Mini dinosaurs that creep into places and are just the worse.
–Homophobes. Honestly. It’s 2015.
–Guys who love lesbians but hate gay men/Girls who love gay guys but hate lesbians. I mean, what the actual fuck?
–Bruges, Belgium. Well, what I should say is my past experience with Bruges, which was HORRIBLE. The hotel we stayed at was haunted (You think I’m lying? Stay at the Hotel de Tuileriëën and get back to me), the people were extremely rude, and the food was really weird.
–Running out of Adderall.
–Hamsters. I had one named Ivan for one day before giving him away to my doorman.
–Clowns. That one just goes without saying.
– The book A Separate Peace by John Knowles. Holy shit, reading this in eighth grade was like pulling teeth.
– Older women who dye their hair neon colors. It makes me feel super uncomfortable. i.e. Nicole Richie and Hilary Duff. Why?
–When my boyfriend withholds sex from me. And by withholding sex, I mean he is too busy with work that week so we have less sex.
–People with babies. Not all parents of newborns annoy me, it’s just the ones that are constantly trying to get you to hold it and look at pictures. I do not want to hold the screaming creature in your arms, thank you anyways.
–June Shannon. Otherwise known as Honey Boo Boo’s mother.
–Sweaty people who hug/touch you. THIS IS NEVER OKAY.
Then I asked my friends what irked them.
1. “People who can’t use umbrellas.” –Nate Erickson, social media guru for Christian Louboutin.
2. “Girls that wear fake hair and pretend it’s real… I can’t… Bitch, I just did your weave last week, don’t play.” – Ali Dash, premier hair stylist at Pretty Suite Palm Beach.
3. ” People who’s dogs have folded over ears and they just leave them like that. You know how the ear can fold over and look weird? It drives me crazy!” – Reed Ferguson, surfer from Palm Beach.
4. “Something that annoys me is when people snap at waiters. Who does that? When did that ever work for you?”- Carson Nicely, fashion photographer in West Hollywood. ( @carsonnicely)
5. “When bitches be thirsty.” – Daniel Vassalli, filmmaker who frequents Chateau Marmont.
6. “A thing that annoys me is pretty young white girls sticking hoops through their septum like they’re obese members of the Hells Angels.” – Matt Bilinsky, he describes himself as a raconteur, bon vivant, and self-preferentialist. (www.twitter.com/mattbilinsky)
7. “People who say yes to plans but always back out.” – Amanda Catanho, NYU student.
8. ” It annoys me when people are passive aggressive or try to throw shade but act dumb as hell when you call them out on it.”- Courtney Kornegay, fashion blogger of The Courtwalk.
9. “STUDIO CITY!” –Andrew Zhukov, Senior Commodity Broker/Interest Rate Analyst in Los Angeles.
10. ” Standard people. I don’t like them.” – Ramez Tohme, Bel Air kid… I actually have no idea what the fuck he does but he’s funny as hell and I think he’s joining the cast of Rich Kids of Beverly Hills. (@elnegritoramezito)
11. “Yo, people who don’t walk in fucking straight lines.”-Abie Shipee, retired model who lives in New York. (@abbyshipee)
12. “Ladies waking up with a completely irrelevant question.” – Wade Crescent, DJ in LA. (@wadecrescent)
13. “Girls with weak eyebrow games.” – Zuri Tibby, fashion model. (@angelzuri)
14. “Ignorance. It’s the most annoying thing. Just stupid ass people with no idea what is happening in the world. #annoying” – Rachel Picciano, stylist at LF. (@rachelpicciano)
15. “Thin toilet paper” – Zachary Scott, Charlotte Mckinney’s business manager. (@streetnerd)
16. “Animal hair on furniture.” –Ben Fink Shapiro, fashion photographer in New York.
17. “Having to awkwardly laugh at your friends weird uncle’s jokes at the dinner table.”- Ali Wentley, FSU student from West Palm Beach. (@aliwentley)
18. “I don’t mind repeating myself once. However, the second time is annoying and I’m pissed by the third time.” – Gary Michael Walters, producer with Bold Films. You may have seen his name in the opening credits of Nightcrawler.
19. “People who don’t know the difference between your, you’re, and their/there/they’re.”- Hernando M Courtright, Director of programming at Gilded Lily NYC. (@hernandogram)
20. “Bad dirty talk in bed.” –Sadie Frame, ball of sunshine from West Palm Beach. (@sadie.frame)
21. “Running out of wine.” –Melissa Possagno, baker from Jupiter, FL. (@bellascupcakery)
22. “How in Palm Beach girlfriend relationships are measured in dog years. One year here equals to seven years anywhere else.”- Marianne Yost, blogger of Suddenly Single in Palm Beach.
23. “When uber drivers won’t stop talking to me. I’m in one now and he keeps telling me how it’s been a while since he partied and that the house that I’m coming from was nice like plz leave me alone.”-Elsie Hewitt, LA-based model with Aston Models. (@elsiehewitt)
24. “Idiots.”- Jason Yakubovich, inventor of the Pandle.
25. “Sequins and wedges! Please STOP!”- Monica Mccabe, CEO of Vintage Monified (@vintagemonified)
26. “The fact that baristas are called baristas instead of coffee pourer.” – Victor Serdio, mad scientist living in Tokyo. (@victorserdio)
Thank you for your participation.
Now, for the rest of my readers, what annoys you?
** Andrew would like to revise what he said and change his answer to: “Priuses. Fuck them. I cannot stand them or their fucked up drivers. I think the batteries they use literally fry people’s brains.”